Who Let the Hog (s) Out ??? Oink Oink


 I had 15 minutes to come up with a plan.

    How  to recapture  my  run away hog…. by myself- No  gate,  No extra fence panel- nothing… 

     I had been  dumping  ear corn into the pig pen yesterday  morning like I always do….apparently  the noise of corn cobs  bouncing off the metal hut spooked one of the pigs…. next thing I knew, he had jumped the fence and was wandering towards the gravel road.  Problem was, I needed to leave in 15 minutes….I had   an hour commute to meet with my tax preparer for our annual meeting…the timing of this escape  was not good.

      I tried to grab a 16 ft section of extra fence panel, thinking I might be able to temporarily box  him in…nope, all of the panels were  frozen down in 4 inches of ice.

  Even the fence he’d jumped was frozen down, so I couldn’t open it up and chase him back inside.  There was no body else outside to call for help..it was just me and this 140 pound pig.

       The only plan I could come up with was something I’d heard my grandfather pull off  back in the 1920’s…..

     I’d heard the story of  grandpa catching a run away market hog (240 pounds)  a dozen times.   As grandpa would tell it, he grabbed the pig by the ear and tail and threw him back  over  fence.      The only difference was,  Grandpa was in his early 20’s, 6 ft 2 , 240 pounds of  solid muscle and I am currently  50 yrs old and….you get the  idea  .

   ” I can do this.”   I said to myself.

          Like an Indian ready to ride into battle   (Native American for all you politically correct types)     I braced myself for the  battle.   After all,  I do  have  a little bit of grandpa living in me .

   I got as close as I could, lunged, and grabbed  this pig around his middle…

Screaming, thrashing,..felt like I had grabbed onto a 400 pound octopus. 

Have you ever heard a pig  scream?…I mean really scream? 

 They can make a lot of racket when they want to.

    Well,  I wouldn’t let go-

There was a layer of ice under the snow. I went down ,still had a hold of Mr Pig.

I started   moving toward the fence, on one knee

man again pig.

pig screaming bloody murder/  thrashing  for all he was worth.

“Don’t let go” I thought to myself…

We got close to a section of fence…

Next thing the pig and I  knew, he  was back in his pen…the other free range pig was  barking  away/-(  that’s what they sound like)  He was all worked up by the noise of his screaming pen-mate.

600 pound Ms. Winston, on the other hand, just stood there  chewing on her ear  of corn.

  I’ve mentioned this before but  contrary to any preconceived notions you may have about pigs, but pigs are not stupid. 

  I don’t know how they measure these things but according to the experts, pigs  are right up there in the animal kingdom with dolphins, chimps and elephants…they remember things….

 The first time he got out, it was an accident.  The next time, it’s going to be on purpose.    I knew   this pig  would  try to escape again…sometime…probably while I was @ my accountants…

   I had no choice but to repair  the electric fence  that had been down and  shut off all Winter.

 The clock was still ticking. 

 My knee hurt.

I was sucking wind…

As I pulled out of our driveway with 2 minutes to spare, the thrill of victory (and adrenalin) coursed through my veins….I felt  like an athlete who’d  just won  gold at the Olympics.

 The end…

ps   This pig is still for sale- lean and mean- It was a free range pig all last summer and fall- hardly any fat on him…drop me a note-  I will make you a deal. DM

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About DM

sitting on my grandpa's farm porch with Feedie
This entry was posted in country living, farming, Iowa, pigs, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Who Let the Hog (s) Out ??? Oink Oink

  1. lawyerchik1 says:

    Whoa. That’s all I can think of to say…. Whoa.

    Except: how’s the knee?

  2. Rosanna Seabold says:

    EXCELLENT story! I also can’t help but smile about the context of taxes, accountants, and pigs all rolled up into one tidy bundle ;-)

  3. After reading this, I do sorta feel like you should be placed on a podium and a medal placed around your neck as we listen to the national anthem. That was no small feat!

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